


Darcy Diary--The Adventure Continues

by JaneDoe (RoeManetti)



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 16:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1395196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoeManetti/pseuds/JaneDoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was Darcy doing while Lizzie was sorting through her things at her parent's house?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Year Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> I figured the tweets deserved some Darcy Diary, especially since we didn’t see much of Darcy in them! Stay tuned for 5 or 6 more posts. To read about Darcy’s point of view during the 100 episodes of Lizzie’s vlog, check out Darcy Diary.

March 12, 2014 

A couple of days ago, Lizzie received a call from her mother with some surprising news. Without alerting their daughters, the Bennets sold their house and are moving out next week. In a flurry of activity and emotion, Lizzie left this morning to go back and salvage any of her belongings she wishes to keep. She has only been gone a few hours and she will return in a few days, but I find myself feeling bereft.

It is astounding and disconcerting to realize how much I have come to depend upon Lizzie in this past year. I have not felt the need to write in this journal, until now. Although she refuses to move in with me, we have not been in different cities for more than a night or two throughout the course of the past year. I am unsettled and somewhat disturbed by my feelings of loss and loneliness. It is absurd; in fact, I have talked to Lizzie no fewer than four times already today and expect to speak with her at least once or twice more. And yet, I miss her. She continues to be precious to me.

I had planned a romantic get-away for this weekend. Not the whole weekend, because Lizzie and Charlotte wanted to celebrate their birthdays together. But, at least we would have had one special night to commemorate the one-year anniversary of our relationship. How can I bemoan my loss of the weekend when Lizzie is facing the loss of her childhood home and the ordeal of sorting through her possessions this week? I cannot believe that I am feeling so sorry for myself when there is not reason.

I cannot talk myself out of my feelings. And so, I have turned to my journal once again. I tried reading it before I started writing, but I found that I do not want to return to the place that I was before Lizzie forced me to evaluate myself. And, I certainly do not want to return to the time when I was unsure of Lizzie’s regard for me. At least this year has taught me that she loves me, she says as much as I love her, but I am not sure that is possible. There is so much more to love in her.  
And thus, I know that Lizzie loves me, that I will talk to her many times while she is gone, and that she will return in a few days. And still, I am melancholy and yearning. I think I am yearning for more than her return. Ah, the phone…


	2. Chivalry is not Dead

March 13, 2014 

I feel somewhat better this morning. My emotions are always better in the morning. And, I had a long and satisfying talk with Lizzie last night. I still cannot shake this yearning, the feeling that I am missing something important. I need to leave it for now though. Today is a day full of meetings and negotiations and I need to be in top form.

Later

I am exhausted. After the long day of meetings, where the only high spot was lunch with Lizzie. Although I did not get to see Lizzie, we spoke on the phone during my lunch hour. She needed to vent about her mother. They continue to have a rocky relationship, though I think not living in the same home has helped. I was just glad to hear her voice, especially since I had so many meetings that I could not speak with her at other times during the day.  
After work Fitz insisted that I have dinner with him and Brandon. I thought we would go out, but Fitz was in a domestic mood and made dinner for us. It was delicious. One thing at which Fitz excels is cooking and baking. Lizzie called while I was there and said she was going to bed early. Now I do not even have another conversation with her to look forward to tonight.

I told Lizzie I would fly down and help her this weekend, but she asked me not to come. She said that this was something she needed to do herself. Sometimes she is so independent, it drives me wild. Doesn’t she know that I just want to be with her and cherish her and help her navigate the hard times in life? She says she wants to stand on her own two feet and prove that she is somebody besides my girlfriend. Hasn’t she done that already? She made a name for herself with her vlog last year; in fact, she still receives comments, tweets, ‘fan’ mail and the like. She has made a success of her own company this year. She has lived on her own. She is obviously much more than my girlfriend. I would not love her as much were she not who she is, including this strong and independent streak she has, but sometimes I wish she needed me a bit more.

I just realized that I am sounding like a knight of old, wanting to swoop in and rescue the princess and solve all of her problems. My problem is that my princess does not need rescuing, to the contrary, she rescued me. She saved me from my narrow, cramped, arrogant life and has given me a rich life full of love and exuberance. What does she see in me? How did William Darcy, uptight and socially awkward, end up with the prize? She has told me what she finds attractive in me; that my kindness, steadfastness, work ethic, she even likes my looks. But I still think I am the one who is getting the most out of this relationship. I need her in my life. She is precious to me.


	3. Mopey

March 14, 2014 

Why did I ask Lizzie if she wanted me to come this weekend? I could have just flown down and surprised her. That saying, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.” Not that I really want to be there if she wants to be alone with her family, just that I want to be with her right now. I managed to get through the day at work, but I must admit that I have not been this distracted at work since the difficult times last year. What is my problem? I am a grown man. I am in control. I have the love of my beloved. I am not worried that Lizzie does not love me. I talked to her three times today because I was not in meetings.   
But I continue to struggle with this discontent and unsettled feelings. I hope Lizzie finishes her sorting earlier than she expects and comes back soon. I need to bring myself back into control.

Later

After dinner I decided to look through my pictures from the past few months. Most of them are Lizzie, at my house, at her apartment, on touristy sight-seeing dates, on fancy industry dates, shopping, in New York City when we visiting Bing and Jane, Christmas with her family, Christmas at the ski chalet with Gigi.. Lizzie has become an integral part of all of my life. Her smile, her beauty, her sense of humor, even her teasing make her the perfect, most wonderful person I can imagine. I am becoming maudlin. I think I will call Lizzie before I work myself into a depression.


	4. Epiphany

March 15, 2014

I had a blinding epiphany last night. I woke up at 3:42 in the morning and realize that I want to ask Lizzie to marry me. And I want to do it now. She has told me that she wanted to take our relationship slow and she specifically told me not to get her a ring for Christmas. She said that Jane and Bing are not rushing into anything, and we do not need to either. But, I do not see why Jane and Bing have to be the model for our relationship, and I refuse to let their legendary easy-going approach to life dictate to me. This is what I have been yearning for and why I have been so unsettled the last few days. 

As I look back to the last month or two, I think this has been building, but it was easier to ignore when Lizzie was here distracting me with her lovely presence. I have tried to hold myself back from even thinking of marriage because I have been afraid of pushing too hard. 

What is the worst that can happen? Well, she could say no and break up with me. That would be distressing. But is it likely? She may say no, but I think she would be more likely to want to continue in the relationship as it is rather than break up. If she says no, can I manage that? I think so. There would still be hope that some day she would say yes. 

It is her birthday and our one year anniversary. What better time to ask her? I have a present for her for each thing, but I think today I will also shop for a ring. Fitz wants me to come over this evening, but I should have time to pick something out at the jeweler. We can always get it sized later. I cannot tell anyone about this and I am going to have to be very careful talking to Lizzie until she comes home. I do not want anyone to know what I plan in case she does say no.


	5. Anguish of Doubt

March 16, 2014

Oh, why can I not be that arrogant man who thought he was God’s gift to the world? Then I would not be in this anguish of doubt. I do not really desire to revert to my former self, but at least then I did not have all of these uncomfortable feelings. Well, and I did not have all of the enjoyable feelings I have experienced in the past year either. I suppose the one goes with the other and I just have to take it.

Lizzie has been sounding tired and discouraged during our calls. She said that she and Lydia have been getting along well and getting things done, but her parents are strangely reticent about sharing their plans and the reasons they have for selling the house. She cannot help worrying about them. Lydia told her not to borrow trouble, and I think Lizzie is trying to remember that her parents can make their own decisions without her input, but between that worry and the sorting, throwing away, and repacking, I think she is emotionally drained. I have tried to be cheery and she says that talking to me helps. I wish that I could do so much more, though.  
Yesterday, after my epiphany and decision to propose to Lizzie, I was extraordinarily happy. I found a stunning ring that is striking without being too flashy. But when I came home with it, I was assailed with doubts about whether this is the right thing to do at this time. I tried making a table of pros and cons, but had to throw it away. I struggled with myself, and finally I decided that I needed to ask and that if Lizzie is not ready to get married, I will know that and she will know where I stand and we can work it out. Right. We will be able to work it out, but the important thing is that I will have communicated my thoughts, feelings and desires to her. And then I will listen to her thoughts, feelings, and desires. It will be valuable communication, no matter whether she takes the ring or not. It will be well. 

I am afraid I was not good company last night. Fitz and I went out to play pool. I cannot remember what Brandon was doing. Fitz gave me a hard time for being unhappy because Lizzie is gone. Little does he know all of the reasons I am unhappy right now. 

Later

Lizzie just called and she and Lydia are just about finished. They are going to Carters for a pre-birthday celebration. Oh, the memories from Carters! Not all of them are mortifying to remember. I told her to have an enjoyable evening, and the news I just heard about Caroline. That was somewhat surprising. The best news is that Lizzie is planning to drive back tomorrow. Tomorrow! I have a great deal of planning to do. I am not sure I will be able to sleep tonight.


	6. Honey Walnut Shrimp

March 17, 2014

Maybe I should not take this step. Perhaps I am pushing too hard and not being considerate of Lizzie’s needs and wishes. On the other hand, we have not talked about marriage lately. We were in a different place in our relationship then. But what if she becomes angry or decides that I am too pushy, and she does not want to be with me anymore? I wish there was someone who could tell me what to do. I cannot ask Bing because he would tell Jane and she would talk to Lizzie. I cannot talk to Gigi or Fitz because they would tell each other and become all “Dizzie” again. That is the most ridiculous moniker I can imagine. I cannot believe that is how people refer to us. As if we are major celebrities. I never thought combining names of couples was a good idea. I am pretty confident that it bothers Lizzie too. As if her identity was being subsumed into our coupleness. Which is not how I look at us or want us to be. She is an incredible woman, and I am fortunate that she chooses to be with me.  
I need to do this. At the very least, I owe myself and Lizzie the honesty of my feelings. I cannot pretend that this is not something I want. All right. Whatever happens, I will ask Lizzie to marry me. I will do it today before I talk myself out of it or act like a buffoon around her. Right, there are many tasks to do today. I will need to take the afternoon off. First, I will ask Mrs. Reynolds to reschedule my 2:00 meeting with Fitz. I need to make a list.

Later

I am waiting in Lizzie’s apartment for her to arrive. I told her that I will order some Honey Walnut Shrimp takeout when she is 20 minutes away. It is her birthday after all. And speaking of that, what is it with Fitz telling the world that I have been “mopey?” Mopey! Well, maybe I have, but I thought we were out of the phase of telling everyone in cyberspace every detail of our lives.

Everything is ready, but I cannot sit still. She should be calling soon to say she is almost here.


	7. Can a Heart Burst?

March 18, 2014 

I have not been able to sleep. She said, “YES!” She did! The sweetest, most amazing woman is going to be my wife. We have to work out the details. I want to get married right away, but Lizzie is not sure. Maybe she will agree to the last weekend in October. The end of October was the low point of my relationship with Lizzie, and I would very much like to make it a better anniversary. We shall see. We have time to talk about it.   
I know I should sleep, but I am too blissful. Tonight, or, I should say, last night, did not go exactly as I planned; and, true to form, I looked like an idiot part of the time. But it ended just perfectly, and I am satisfied.

I paced around Lizzie’s apartment until she got there. I had set it up with flowers—gardenias and roses—and candles that I lit right before she arrived. I was watching out the window for her car to pull up, and I hurried out to help her with her bags. And to greet her properly and wish her a happy birthday. We decided to unload the car another time. I guess, we still need to do that—in the morning, well, the later morning when normal people wake up. Normal people who sleep at night. Of whom I am not one tonight.

When she got into the apartment, she was amazed and actually teared up. She thought it was romantic. After dinner, I made the hot chocolate with Baileys that I know she loves and I knelt before her. I had prepared a speech, but I could not remember it when the moment came. I stammered out that I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her and that I did not want to push but would she please say she would marry me. Not smooth at all and I think my chin was tucked rather far into my chest, but the upshot was that she said, “Yes.” She cried, and I think I did too. Then we talked for hours. I told her that I did not want her to just become Mrs. Darcy, but knew that she was her own special individual and I loved that about her. She thinks she wants to keep her last name instead of taking mine. That is fine with me, although I would be very happy for us both to bear the name Darcy. However, what she wants is more important. There will be so much more to talk about and our families and friends to tell. Time is creeping by. It is only 3:21am and I still do not feel sleepy. I suppose I should try to get some rest before it is time to prepare for work. Can a heart burst with delight?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the continuing story and that it was more satisfying than the teasing tweets from a couple of weeks ago!


End file.
